How to make friends in college when you don't know anyone (especially in minnesota)
- 16 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Everyone looks like they already have friends. They don't.
One of the loneliest feelings in early college is arriving at school, convinced everyone else has already found their group, and you're the only one eating alone. Here's the truth: most of those people feel exactly the way you do. They're just better at looking busy.
Loneliness in the first semester is one of the most common and least talked about parts of the transition from high school to college. You left a built-in social world behind and now have to build a new one from scratch, usually while also drowning in classes. It's hard. It's also completely doable.
Why making friends in college is its own skill
In high school, friendships often happened by default — same classes, same people, years of proximity. College removes the default. You have to be more intentional, which feels unnatural at first but is genuinely a learnable skill, not a personality trait you either have or don't.
Low-pressure ways to actually meet people
Use proximity on purpose. Sit near the same people in class. Familiar faces become familiar people, become friends. Say hi before you feel "ready."
Join one or two things — and keep showing up. Clubs, intramurals, and a campus job. The magic isn't the first meeting; it's the repetition. Friendship grows from seeing the same people regularly.
Say yes early and often. The dorm-floor hangout, the study group, the invite that sounds mildly awkward. Early-semester yeses pay off all year.
Be the initiator. Someone has to text "want to grab food?" first. It might as well be you. Most people are relieved someone else broke the ice.
Find your affinity spaces. Identity-based and cultural orgs are among the fastest routes to real belonging — especially valuable for first-gen, BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and international students looking for people who share their experiences.
If you're a first-generation student, a student of color, LGBTQ+, and international student, or living with a disability: the stress of making new friends in college can carry extra layers - figuring out systems no one in your family navigated, code-switching, dealing with bias or ableism, or just not seeing many people like you. None of that means you don't belong. It means the environment hasn't caught up with you yet. |
for the introverts
You don't need a giant friend group or a packed social calendar. You need a few people you genuinely click with. Skip the massive party if it drains you and aim for smaller settings — a club around something you actually like, a study partner, a low-key dinner. Quality over quantity is a completely valid strategy, not a consolation prize.
the Minnesota nice factor
If you're new to the Twin Cities, fair warning: "Minnesota nice" is real and slightly confusing. People are polite and friendly, but can be slow to fold you into their actual social lives. Many transplant and international students take this personally and assume something's wrong with them.
It's not you. The workaround is to be persistent and to be the one who initiates plans. Minnesotans often warm up once you're inside the circle — you just frequently have to invite yourself in. Recurring activities (a weekly club, a team, a class group) do the heavy lifting by creating the repeated contact that Minnesota social culture needs to thaw.
Our therapists work specifically with college students, Gen Z, and people in transition across Minnesota - including first-gen, BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and international students. You don't have to be in crisis to seek support. Earlier is usually better. |
When loneliness is more than growing pains
Some homesickness and social awkwardness early on is normal and fades as you build connections. But if weeks pass and you still feel isolated, withdrawn, or low — or the loneliness is sliding into something heavier — that's worth taking seriously. Persistent loneliness is genuinely tied to mental health, and you don't have to white-knuckle through it solo.
Starting college and want to build a real connection from the beginning?
Join the Grounded Workshop. Save your spot.
Talk to a therapist who works with students like you
You don't have to be in crisis to deserve support. A lot of students wait until they're underwater when a little structure earlier would have changed the whole semester.
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No matter what language feels most like home for you, we want you to feel at home here. We'd love for you to check out our amazing team of therapists and find someone who feels like the right fit.
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Whether you're in Uptown on a Tuesday evening, logging on from your kitchen table on a Saturday morning, or somewhere in Minnesota, we've got options that work.
A Special Program for Students and Recent Graduates: Pause and Connect
If you're 18 or older and getting ready to start — or just finishing — a post-secondary program in Minnesota, we have something just for you.
Our Pause and Connect Therapy program offers sessions at $25 per session for:
Students enrolled in a 2- or 4-year college, vocational or trade school, or graduate/professional program in Minnesota
Recent graduates who completed a degree program within the last 12 months
Uninsured, underinsured, or unable to use your insurance
Graduation is a huge transition. Whether you're stepping into a new program, a new career, or just figuring out what's next, that in-between space can bring up a lot. Support during this time isn't a luxury; it's one of the wisest investments you can make in yourself.
If you graduated this past May, summer holistic therapy in Minneapolis could be the grounding you need as you step into your next chapter.
Further Reading and Resources
About the Author
Merrily Young-Hye Sadlovsky (she/her/hers), MSW, LICSW, LCSW, is a therapist, clinical supervisor, and co-owner of MindBalance Mental Health Care, an independent holistic mental health practice serving Minneapolis and individuals across Minnesota. She is an EMDRIA EMDR-Certified Therapist and teaches clinical courses as an adjunct faculty member in an MSW program in Minneapolis. Her work focuses on culturally responsive, trauma-informed therapy supporting adoptees, BIPOC, immigrant, and LGBTQ communities, and college and graduate students navigating anxiety, OCD, trauma, disordered eating, and life transitions.
Educational Disclaimer
The information shared in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and reflects our perspectives and understanding at the time of writing. It is not intended as medical, mental health, legal, or insurance advice, and should not be relied on as such. Reading this content does not create a therapeutic or professional relationship. For guidance specific to your situation, we encourage you to consult with a qualified professional.
A Note About This Blog
The ideas and experiences behind every post are the writer’s own. AI is used as a writing helper — for brainstorming, grammar, and organizing thoughts — so the content is as clear and readable as possible. Everything is reviewed before publishing, with citations and links added to credit the programs, people, and resources that inspired it. Transparency matters, especially when the topic is mental health. Readers deserve to know how this content is made.
