What to look for in a couples therapist
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
Finding the right therapist matters
Deciding to try couples therapy is one thing. Finding a therapist who feels right for your relationship is another. The fit between a therapist and the people they work with is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy is helpful — which means it’s worth taking a little time to think about what you’re looking for before you book.
This isn’t about finding a perfect therapist. It’s about finding someone whose approach, training, and values feel like a genuine match for you, your partner or partners, and the relationship you’re bringing into the room.
Look for specific training in couples and relationship work
Licensure as a therapist doesn’t automatically mean training in couples work. Individual therapy and couples therapy draw on overlapping but distinct skill sets, and the approaches used in one don’t always translate directly to the other.
When you’re looking for a couples therapist, it’s worth asking whether they have specific training or experience in relationship therapy — not just general counseling experience. Some therapists specialize in particular approaches developed specifically for couples work.
Ask about their approach
Different therapists work differently, and different approaches suit different relationships and goals. Some focus heavily on communication skills and patterns. Others work more with emotional experience, attachment, or the history each person brings. Some use structured exercises; others work more conversationally.
You don’t need a detailed explanation of every technique. But it’s helpful to have a general sense of what sessions will actually feel like — whether the therapist tends to be more directive or more exploratory, whether they’ll offer concrete tools or help you understand dynamics, or some combination of both.
consider whether they're affirming of your relationship as something to look for in a couples therapist
This one matters a lot, and it’s worth being direct about. A therapist’s job is to support your relationship — not to evaluate whether your relationship is the right kind of relationship. That means finding someone who won’t treat your identities, your relationship structure, or the way you’ve built your life together as something to be fixed or explained.
Notice how they handle both partners
One of the most important things a couples therapist does is hold space for both (or all) people in the relationship without taking sides. That doesn’t mean pretending everything is equal at all times — sometimes one person’s behavior needs to be named clearly. But a good couples therapist isn’t in the business of validating one partner while dismissing the other.
Pay attention to whether each person feels heard in early sessions. If one partner consistently feels ganged up on, or as the therapist has already decided who the “problem” is, that’s worth naming — and if it doesn’t shift, it’s worth looking for someone else.
think about practical fit too
Logistics matter more than people give them credit for. The best therapist in the world doesn’t help if you can’t consistently get to appointments. When you’re considering a therapist, it’s worth thinking about:
• Do they have availability that works for both of your schedules?
• Do they offer in-person, online, or both — and which works better for your situation?
• Do they work in your preferred language?
• Are their fees within a range you can sustain over time, or do they work with your insurance?
Consistency matters in couples therapy. A therapist you can actually see regularly is more useful than one who seems ideal on paper but is impossible to get to.
It's okay if the first person isn't the right fit
Sometimes the first therapist you try is a great match. Sometimes it takes a session or two to know. And sometimes you meet with someone and realize it’s not the right fit — and that’s okay. Changing therapists isn’t a failure. It’s actually a sign that you’re paying attention.
If you’re not sure whether a fit issue is worth raising with your therapist or worth looking elsewhere, that’s something you can bring up directly. A good therapist can have that conversation without defensiveness — and often it opens up something useful in the work.
Also in the Couples Therapy in Minneapolis Series:
Ready to get started?
Our couples therapist brings specific training in relationship work, holds affirming values across all identities and relationship structures, and offers sessions in English and Spanish — in person in Minneapolis and online across Minnesota. If you’d like to learn more or get a sense of whether we might be a good fit for your relationship, you’re welcome to reach out.
We're a small team, so when you reach out, you're reaching real people who will take the time to address your inquiry.
About the Author
Merrily Young-Hye Sadlovsky (she/her/hers), MSW, LICSW, LCSW, is a therapist, clinical supervisor, and co-owner of MindBalance Mental Health Care, an independent holistic mental health practice serving Minneapolis and individuals across Minnesota. She is an EMDRIA EMDR-Certified Therapist and teaches clinical courses as an adjunct faculty member in an MSW program in Minneapolis. Her work focuses on culturally responsive, trauma-informed therapy supporting adoptees, BIPOC, immigrant, and LGBTQ communities, and college and graduate students navigating anxiety, OCD, trauma, disordered eating, and life transitions.
Educational Disclaimer
The information shared in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and reflects our perspectives and understanding at the time of writing. It is not intended as medical, mental health, legal, or insurance advice, and should not be relied on as such. Reading this content does not create a therapeutic or professional relationship. For guidance specific to your situation, we encourage you to consult with a qualified professional.
